Wednesday, 20 April 2016

♥ Three Third Year Feelings

It's four weeks until I hand in my dissertation and I can pretty confidently say I am terrified. I was so, so proud of the work I'd created in the beginning and that's no longer the case. Everything scares me. I'm stressed on so many levels and I never thought I'd feel like this. I always assumed the transition from A Level student - still living with Mum and Dad - to independent undergraduate would be the hardest thing I've ever done... But, apparently, the transition from student to actual adult with a degree is going to be much, much harder. Third year is giving me all of the feels and I needed to get these particular three off my chest.

After every hand in I have convinced myself that my work isn't worthy of the grade I wanted for it. Sometimes that has been the case and I've completely flopped modules I loved, but now that I'm writing my dissertation and final ever essays, it's a causing a constant headache. I'm in no way convinced my work will get me the classification I want and it makes me really, really sad. It also has a really detrimental effect on motivation. If my work is bad, why write it? I'm trying my hardest to shake the thoughts but they're still there. Sadly, they probably won't budge until I get my results through, but that's not too far away.

Although you work away at your dissertation for weeks and weeks, the closer deadline day gets the more you convince yourself that you're not going to be able to rewrite/edit/reference or proof read all before the dreaded date. I've heard so many people say that they wrote their dissertations in the last week before hand in and still managed to get really good grades, but I'm not going to be that person. I wanted to have as much done as possible a few weeks before the hand in, so I still had plenty of time, but when you're pouring your heart and sole into one specific subject it's easy to lose yourself. It usually takes me a week or so to write an essay, but that's not been the case with my dissertation. I've gone over the essay I've written as part of my dissertation hundreds of times and it's still nowhere near perfect, so how long exactly is it going to take me to perfect it? God knows.

My friends have it all figured out. Summers abroad on work or volunteer placements. PGCE courses. Masters degrees and travelling... None of these things are the case for me. I have absolutely nothing lined up for after graduation. My friends keep on trying to get me to go on holiday, or travel, or do other 'fun' things but nothing seems to appeal to me. I'm so scared of having no money or spending the money I've saved on silly things that I just refuse to do anything with it. I have applied for some internships, and we'll see how that goes, but I have absolutely nothing set in stone and I can't let that stress me out now, because my biggest concern is getting all of my deadlines done!

If you're coming to a scary transition period like graduating or you're about the finish your A Levels and go off to university, let me know how you feel. I want to know that I'm not the only one.

Em x

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  1. Good luck! I understand it's scary and you're right to be smart about your savings, but try to have a little bit of fun. You deserve it after all the hard work.


    1. Haha I know! I'm currently trying to convince myself it's okay to make this huge Beauty Bay order, but then I'm also sure it's a waste of my money! I have such a silly attitude towards money though, I suppose I'm just really really lucky to be coming out of uni with any money at all saved up!

      Thanks for the kind words!

  2. Good luck! But you sound like you are gonna do fab, and I know it's so hard not to stress over it - but it will be fine :)


    1. Thank you! I'm trying my hardest! It gets really hard to stay positive when you have around seven thousand words to write in three weeks though! I'm currently sat switching between blog posts and my essays trying to keep sane.

      I just have to keep telling myself in a few weeks time I'm actually done with education!


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